Manjiri Indurkar

Fish Depression Is Not Funny

If you put your fish in a bowl,

your fish will soon develop depression.

So buy a big aquarium, if you must buy fishes.

A friend recently lost three out of the four

fishes she had bought. They died within a week

of moving to their new home.

One died because it didn’t like the water.

The other two, we suspect, committed suicide.

If your fish isn’t moving much in the tank,

it has developed depression.

When the first fish was found dead, we all

were shocked. But thanked god, for it was the less

pretty one. Before I am accused of anthropomorphizing

fishes, let me say this, the pretty one probably

cost more. And in a bad economy, that is just no good.

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The problem with fishes is that

they are easily depressed, we deduced.

Depression, as we already know, can

often be suicidal. And life in a fish tank

without fish buddies can be lonely,

depressing. So I don’t blame the other two

for dying the way they did, the way

only few have the courage for.

Fish, say scientists, can revolutionise the

way we understand depression. For all we know

we are popping the wrong pills. Maybe we

don’t need clonazepam, certainly not 0.5mg.

We definitely don’t need xanax, just a healthy

dose of suicide can wipe the human race clean

of its woes. Let’s learn from them fishies.

Let’s not remove our depressions like clothes

and throw them in one corner of our empty houses.

As is customary for any funeral, my friend and I

cracked jokes when her fishes died.

Fish 1: What is the bottom of your tank called?

Fish 2: The Great Depression.

And sang Rihanna songs because the fishes would

have liked it: we found love in a hopeless place.

But let me assure you, we didn’t.